Well it's been an interesting few days since the last post! I have resisted the urge to re-activate Facebook, it's a tough thing to do, after a few days you begin to realise how much this social tool affects your life, considering that most of the events I attend are created on FB and so it has become my social calendar of sorts. Plus the fact that I had a correspondence of sorts with a girl I met at a friend's party and I have't replied to that yet due to a lack of interest and not having FB.
Hmm so what else, the blog I wrote the other day in regards to believing that I won't live longer than 36 I think that has always spawned from times when I get a little down, I like to think that every human on this planet has maybe thought of dying or had suicidal thoughts, not that I could have the courage to go through with it myself. I believe that I was a little depressed because of the lull in work at the moment, and my financial situation not been dire but I'm getting to a point where I really do need to get back to work. I've applied for a credit card but I haven't had any correspondence back from the bank. I have always been against credit cards but in this situation it may prove useful, I came back from with close to $2200 in the bank, which is what I managed to save in my time over there, it's a little annoying too because I said to myself,"This year Evan, manage and save your money better" well a month into the new year and I've nearly spent all those savings. Alas I am due to go to Airlie Beach for work so really finances solved, considering getting paid a bit over $1000 a week I'm sure I can get right back on track. Just got to keep faith :)
So due to the depletion of funds and pretty much having to extremely minimize my spending habits I have had to take to entertaining myself with very low cost or in-expensive activities such as reading, playing with my Lego and yes I can hear you say "What? Lego? but you're a 24 year old male", thing is Lego is wicked and as long as I'm alive I hope to own it and still play with it so yeah there! doing a bit of artwork too has helped fill in the hours, not so much TV or movie watching, I did alot of that whilst in Perth, so would like a break from it. One of the best activities is just hanging with friends, having a few beers and a light meal/dinner and enjoying their fine company. Something I've definitely tried to create so as to avoid having to go into Broadbeach, I live in an beautiful apartment and the atmosphere that is created when friends are over is comfortable and relaxed. So have definitely tried to make those opportunities more of a regular thing....
Something has happened in the last week or so, but come to more of my attention is....how do I say it, a level of love for a friend maybe becoming more. I have a little guilt although I don't think that's the right word, about how the last week has panned out, she let a friend of ours know she liked him and it wasn't reciprocated which has got her down quite a bit, and there is where my guilt of sorts has come into it, this is what I feel anyway. I have and think I can safely say, been a shoulder for her to lean on and I've been happy to do that, we need people who can provide us with comfort and strength especially while one is single. To get to the guilt (?) part of it, I keep thinking that maybe I have manipulated something along the way and I don't want that to be a dictator to how this girl feels about me or our friend.
I've literally just had to pause to figure out how to continue....ergh! I want to say more but just don't think it's the right timing. The good thing is this girl and I have had some really open dialogue, we've gotten to know each other alot more of late and I tell you this, this girl is just absolutely amazing! I feel that she sometimes doesn't think the world of herself but she really is just something beyond words, also we spoke recently about her not knowing her own beauty.
Beauty is such an interesting thing because as much as it's surface it's also in the detail and the depth of any one thing! Beauty is a grand design and I believe as humans we are all beautiful, this friend, she showed me this photography book and it had some wonderful illustrations of the beauty of people. Now some of these people had bad teeth or not very nice skin, but it was in the moment that they were captured that their true beauty shone through. They were smiling and laughing and it appeared that they had not a care in the world and that they knew love, in all of it's infiniteness!
So if this friend of mine is reading this at all, which I know she probably will at some point soon, know this that you are a rare and unique beauty because you are you and created in that very special way! From what I know of her character, inside, her heart is truly blazing with love, peace, care, grace and pure dazzling beauty, like the skies at night are a sight to gaze upon, so is she. I would even venture to say that she surpasses that brilliance!
So with that all said I will end this entry. I could continue for a lot longer but I won't. Not that I enjoy vocalizing my every thought, I just think that I would start boredom at some point.
Enjoy and accept your beauty!
Oscar Wilde wrote this Quote:
"Be yourself.....everyone else is already taken!"
That is called "Truth"
Evan J D
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